Morningstar: Chapter 23: Letters

 Morningstar 

Chapter 23: Letters

After dinner and clean up, Stephanie came to pick Amanda and D’Lisa up. She seemed in a really great mood, she was glad to see Amanda and Amanda was glad to see her.
I then settled into the den to read the two letters.

“Alan,
I still remember, like it was yesterday when we first laid eyes on each other. It was Dr. O’Donnell’s statistics class back in grad school. From that very first day you would stare at me, though you were much more awkward and obvious about it than most men. You were so clumsy, and I’m sorry to say, dear, you still are but that’s also one of the things most endearing about you.
It was the fourth day of class when you “accidentally” knocked over my can of Coke. It did not escape me that you made sure it went in just the perfect direction so as not to get anything on me or my papers, or any of our classmates. In-spite of your obvious clumsiness, I knew your move was perfectly calculated and thought to myself what a unique and funny approach. I’ve never let you know I knew before today, because it’s been too fun to tease you over the years. You then, of course, made the mistake of “accidentally” bringing me a Pepsi replacement the next class. To make up for your mistake, you, of course, had to take me to the student union building for lunch and another coke. All very ingenious and uniquely you my dear.
Then there was the underwear incident a few months later. I just don’t know what you were thinking; but eventually I got over it and fell victim to your silly and sometimes immature boyish magic.
Though you are at best, a clumsy romantic, I give you an A+ for continuous effort. Like many little girls, I dreamt of what it would be like to be married, and the man I would spend my life with. Alan, my dreams were never as wonderful as my reality has been with you and our children.
The other day when you were attacked, and I saw all the blood, I was terrified. I thought I would lose you. Fortunately, I had the mace on the table, was able to use it to force your attacker back. In looking back, had I not been so frightened for you, the look of horror and utter astonishment on the face of your attacker as he felt the immediate sting of the mace and fell back through, was almost comical. Fortunately, your wound was not as severe as your loss of blood suggested. I’m sorry to have to break your macho bubble; but your being able to get the knife away from your attacker and cut him just a little was only due to his shock from the mace and suddenly seeing all of us… but then deep down I think you really knew that. What you did, was very dangerous and it scared me nearly to death. If we keep doing things like this, something else will likely kill both of us before the cancer can finish my body. Remember, dear, the cancer cannot touch my soul or the memory of all who I know love me so much, especially you, our wonderful children, and dear friends.
I’ve been telling you for some time. If you play with snakes, you’re likely to get bit, and you were bitten and could have easily been killed. Where would that have left our children? They would have been without a father and just a few months later, without a mother. I could not bear that thought. We must stop this quest. I have had a wonderful life. I am at peace and deep in my soul have never been better. I have no fear of the future; but look to it with anticipation and hope. I know this is not the end. Our love will continue well past the time our mortal bodies are placed to rest.
I love you Alan, it’s time to let me go for a season until we are joined in the eternities.
Love for always, Cara

Dearest Cara,
You know me so well. Sometimes I would like to even say, too well. It has been so incredible to have a true soul mate who is so close that we know each other as we do… and still… deeply and passionately love each other despite all our flaws and mistakes, most especially mine.
I wish I had the hope and faith you do; but the thought of being without you is almost unbearable, completely intolerable. I know I would return to that clumsy and irresolute lost soul you first met so many years ago.
It is and has almost always been impossible for me to say “no” to you. I love you for many things, but one of those things is that you have rarely used that power you have over me. There will be one more opportunity for the right passage tomorrow. If doesn’t work, Bobby and I will cover the stones forever and I will cherish our remaining time together.
I will always cherish the memories and hope that someday, we will be joined in the eternities as you believe.
I love you more than you can ever know. If this does not work, I will miss you more than you can imagine. I’ll love you forever, Alan”
"Passage,"  “STONES,” Obviously, significant; but just way too tired to think it through.